Written by Karl Bakla.
The first time I went to a Punk Rock show was in the year 1211, I was thirteen years old and it was everything you'd expect from your first Punk Rock show, it was held at some shit hole called the Gobi Desert, & some crazy ass groups performed. One of the bands was called the Jin Dynasty, they came from Northern China and fucking killed it! Unfortunately for the Jin a band called The Mongols headlined the show and absolutely annihilated them. After the show the Mongols went on to destroy Baghdad, the place was so fucked up that it took nearly 800 years for the city to recover. Sadly, by the time Baghdad recovered the U.S. Military came in and fucked everything up! My point being, I am old as fuck, & after my first Punk Rock show I was hooked. If the show I am now writing about was the first Punk Rock show I ever went to, then I would have never bother going to another show. Some may argue that Hot Water Music isn't Punk, & to them I say, "Suck a cabbies ass & fuck off!"
While waiting to get in to the show, I overheard a guy tell his friends how he would like to fuck some "bitch" he works with. How enlightened! I thought. If I would have closed my eyes and just listened I would have thought I was in line for a Disturbed concert. Here's a tip guys, saying stupid shit doesn't make you seem 100% hetero, it just means you need to beat off before leaving the house.
As I entered the club, I walked past the merch table, & I noticed that Hot Water Music were charging $5 more for their t-shirt than the other bands, hmmm that's lame, but whatever I am a Leftist & I am all for throwing your money away on Cadillac's & lobster dinners for the poor, so of course I would be annoyed at someone trying to make a profit. I assumed that the extra $5 goes to fund Mitt Romney's 2016 election run. To be fair there might be a valid reason why their shirts are more expensive, but I didn't bother to look into it. Luckily, the Flatliners started to play & my attention was focused elsewhere… the crowd seemed pretty pumped for The Flatliners, but the sound was so shitty that I couldn't tell if they were good or not. The sound was heavy on the low end of things, which is great if you don't care about hearing the guitar or vocals.
Next up was Dave Hause, Just from the name I knew I was gonna hate whatever the fuck was played. I have a theory that any band that is a guy's (or gal's) name is going to be some Cat Stevens shit, the exception being GG Allin & the Hardcore band Don Knotts. To describe Dave Hause's music is to take The Gaslight Anthem and make their music even shittier. How does one do that you might ask? Well, take away the drums & bass and add an extra dose of non-excitement, but make sure to keep the lyrics about dancing shoes & whiskey. On a non-music note, Dave Hause looks like one of those guys that is a bartender that you can't tell if he likes Hardcore or is just a Kanye West fan, with a Hitler haircut, & a membership in that Facebook Group Tattoo Acceptance In The Workplace. Look, I work in a casino, & every bartender looks like they listen to Converge, but sadly they don't want to mosh, they just want to fuck a Kardashian. When I got home I took a massive shit & read up on Dave Hause, he was once in The Loved Ones, which makes sense because that band fucking sucks.
When Hot Water Music hit the stage, I was stoked & so was the rest of the crowd. The crowd full of tattooed men & bearded woman seemed to know every word to every song! Seeing others people's love for a band always makes everything more exciting. I love Hot Water Music! I have been a fan of theirs for close to twenty years & it was cool to see them for the googolplexed time. Then I quickly became unstoked, this show sucked, & would have been better if it was held somewhere else, Fremont Country Club is an awful venue, fancy lights, a proper stage, mediocre sound, & $9 for a chalice of airag. There was even a roped off V.I.P. section, with business people watching with crossed arms. Do I have to mention that this a total turn off for a member of the Punk Rock Elite? I had to talk Bethany out of chucking her drink at the V.I.P.'s, which is now something I regret. Hot Water Music played a lot of great songs & I was happy to hear a liberal dose of tunes off of the Fuel For The Hate Game LP. I quickly forgot about all the shit that previously annoyed me & just enjoyed the tunes. I even thought about writing that Dave Hause has nice hair & looks like a younger & sexier Donald Rumsfeld, but then Hot Water Music did the most pretentious thing a band could do, they did an encore… no!!!! Everything that sucked about the night came rushing back. I just assumed Hot Water Music was above doing something so lame. I listen to bands like Hot Water Music because I assume they don't do Rock Star shit. Who the fuck do they think they are, Rod Stewart?
At this point in the night I regretted paying $25 to get into the show, I could have used that money to buy a pair of tweezers to beat off with. As we stumbled out of the venue, Bethany drunkenly told me, "most of the people in the crowd look like my employees, I fucking hate my employees!" Ha, fuck yeah! I hate her employees too!
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