The Street Eaters / The Mapes / Time Crashers / Hard Pipe Hitters @ The Bunkhouse Saloon

By Karl Bakla

Initially I wasn’t going to this show, because I was extremely hung-over from the previous night’s drinking binge, but that is the story of my life. Can’t do this because I am hung over & I can’t do that because I’m drunk.

When we got to the Bunkhouse, I realized that it was First Friday. Fuck, I hate that shit! Last time I was at a Punk show during First Friday, there was some dude painting on the side of the stage, while the band was playing. It’s not that I don’t like Art; I just don’t want to see that shit when a Punk band is playing, unless the Artist is slashing his/her wrists & painting a middle finger on a canvas, using his or her blood. Another scenario I wouldn’t mind, is if some asshole Punk Rocker jumped off the stage, grabbed the canvas, & smashed it over the Artist’s head, but sadly this was a bar show, & only a teenager would be brilliant/dumb enough to do something like that. 

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The first band that played was the Hard Pipe Hitters, I know they are usually referred to something funny on onethirtyeight.org, but I forgot what that was, so I am going to have to break with tradition & go by their real name. As a PC asshole, I should be offended that some bands such as “Total Chaos” are referred to on this sight as “Total Gayass”, but since I laugh when I read that shit, I can’t complain & I can only hope more bands bother Gilbert, so we can enjoy their new “enhanced” band name. Anyway, The Hard Pipe Hitters played a set filled with Punk thrashers that the people in attendance seemed to enjoy. I know I am a Drunk, but I am pretty sure I have seen the Hard Pipe Hitters play quite a few times, but I could have sworn they were a Ska/Punk band. They did do a song with a Ska breakdown that got their fans skankin’, one of their fans did an unusual dance that made it appear, as if he was being butt fucked, by an invisible man with a humongous juicy penis.

Next up were the Time Crashers, who were pretty funny. I thought their Nikola Tesla thing was pretty clever. When the singer turned around, during one of their songs, I noticed he had “Tesla” studded on his denim jacket; this cracked me up, because this was the guy my buddy Danny Hatefuck spotted on Fremont Street. When Danny saw this guy, he said something along the lines of, “I can’t believe anyone likes Tesla enough to sport a jacket with their name on it!” I was glad that this guy turned out to be just a weirdo & not a fan of the previously mentioned band. My only criticism of the Time Crashers were that their songs were too mid-tempo for me & after a while, it just ended up being like a Mentors record. If these guys cooked up some super crank in their laboratory, did some giant size lines, & sped their shit up, we would be served a raging time-traveling Rock ‘N' Roll adventure.

The third band up was the Street Eaters, if you are not familiar with the Street Eaters; they are a two piece consisting of Megan March on Drums/Vocals, & John No on Bass/Vocals, I know what you are thinking, “they sound shitty already”, &, “the only bass & drum combo I like is Godstomper, because they have a 7” out on Slap A Ham Records”, fuck off! We all know that Godstomper is good, get over it. It’s hard for me to describe the Street Eaters sound; John No’s playing is reminiscent to the bass sounds of the Jesus Lizard, which is a total compliment, Megan’s drumming is powerful & together with the tradeoff female & male vocals, they have a pretty awesome sound. This is what I hoped the Evens would have sounded like. I was stoked to see the Street Eaters play again, since the last time I saw them play was at FEST 10, & I was sporting a nasty fever at the time, so I was ready for a rematch. Before the Street Eaters hit the stage the crowd thinned out, & I assume the Mapes fans went outside to snort crushed Oxycontin. Half way through the Street Eater’s set, the bar began to fill up again, & the people that returned seemed to enjoy the jams.

After the Street Eaters set, we bought some records & headed to Bethany’s car to store them for safe Keeping. When we got to Bethany’s car, there was a large group of kids hanging on & around her car. Bethany, said to them, “I am sure as fuck glad, to find out that my car is a picnic table”. The youngsters scattered away from Bethany’s car without incident. A moment later some homeless lady was in the parking lot screaming, “Fuck, the mothah fuckin’ East Coast, this is for my homie” & she proceeded to pour a beer onto the street for her fallen homie. I dared my cousin Allan to tell her, “Fuck, the West Coast!” He said, “Fuck no!” For the record, when I am finally murdered, I will haunt any of my friends that waste a perfectly good beer like this.

Last up were the Mapes, since I believe in “Full Disclosure”, I must mention that the Sri Lankan in the band is my youngest brother; you can guess which one that is. By the time the Mapes started playing the majority of their fans were good and wasted, which sucked for me because I was sober, I felt like a child grounded, watching the other kids playing outside from my window. People were singing-a-long, blowing their air horn, & rocking out, when tragedy struck. Fifteen minutes into the Mapes set, the soundman decided the show was over. After a few minutes of the house music being played, the Mapes were allowed to resume playing. I think the majority of people were pretty stoked on the Mapes set, the rest were, where they were, for the majority of the show, across the street, in the parking lot drinking beer.