Dirt Clod Fight - O, The Filth Of It All

I think some people need to reevaluate their meaning of the word "Epic", especially when it comes to seeing a band perform live. Can we at least agree that there are a few guidelines to what constitutes the annotation of the word 'Epic" as far as describing a bands performance live? Seeing The Clash live  in 1980 - Epic. Seeing Discharge live in 1983 - Epic. Seeing Slayer live in 1986 - Epic. Seeing Guns N' Roses live in 1988 - Epic. Faith No More released the song Epic in 1990, and that was pretty epic, and seeing Nirvana live in 1991 - pretty fucking Epic. You get my point. Also, the use of the term "killing it" is merely subjective to one's own musical mediocrity at this point. You guys all know that one band wasn't "killing it" at that gig. You horny bastards just like drooling over that smelly Hippy troll chick... ha ha ha Losers with a capital L. ;-)

I dunno what you did on Friday, but Jeremy and I were at the last Mapes gig of the year, which was going down at The Dive, where Angie told me to "Be nice", whatever THAT was referring to. ;-) It's always nice seeing her, and it was cool running into the mighty Xtal, Martin the Hermit Crab, Denise, Sarah, BG, MG (who swears I don't know him) and Roy from the Black Jetts, who was hanging out at a bar that his band wasn't even playing at. Strange, I know! ha ha ha I think I met his "Boo" as well... heh heh heh The Mapes played with The Maxies, who hail from all the way from Greenland, or Iceland, or some shit like that, and they were pretty good. I like The Mummies and Masked Intruder too, and the bands sound reminded me a lot of those bands. Yup! The Maxies put on one Hell of a show, jumping around, rocking the fuck out, and cracking wise for waaaay too long with all their friends in the audience. It was like watching a band practice where you don't know who anyone is, so you just kind of stand there and go 'yuuuhhhhhp', because you dig the band, and just wish that they'd go back to playing songs instead of cracking wise. I tried standing around drinking during the Time Crashers set, but I don't like the band, I just couldn't take what they were playing, and headed outside to higher, greener pastures, with a group of Local musical degenerates who didn't want to be named, for fear of persecution and judgement from their cool Friends. :-)

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The surprise of the night was the debut of the band Alan Six. I got to the Dive early and saw Dave Mapes sitting behind a drum set that was set up on the stage and thought to myself, What's Dave doing behind a drum set?, and that's when his lovely wife Adrienne, who was holding this pretty sweet looking mini-bass in her hands, walked up to the mic and announced that this was the debut of their band Alan Six, and they kicked into their first song, a pretty rocking number that garnered everyone's attention in the place, and like that, they were off and running, rocking shaky but steady, and I was digging it. Alan Six are a catchy as fuck poppy Punk trio (the band features local malcontent Lance L. on geetar) that brought to mind bands like the Motards, Teenage Bottlerocket, the Queers, stuff like that, but with better vocals, because Adrienne can fucking sing her ass off. Wow! They had songs about masturbation, Johnny Ramone, and being hungover - with those three in a band, go figure, right? LOL They played waaay too short of a set, and they earned every bit of applause that everyone in the place gave them when they were done rocking out. Alan Six were great, and I'm hyped I was there to see their debut performance. Check them out whenever you can and 'Like' their Facebook page by clicking here.

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And then the Mapes... oh my GAWD the Mapes... what can I say that hasn't already been said about one of the most Legendary bands Las Vegas has ever produced? The on-stage musical depravity continues on unabated, and the bands encouragement of borderline vicious assaults towards them is growing in leaps and bounds, with flour, sugar, hot dogs, bananas, spit covered tissues and other body fluids all being thrown at the band in the most violent manner possible, and usually when band members are unable to defend themselves, which must suck for them but oh well, that's the price one pays when the honor of becoming a Mape is bestowed upon you. I can't help but be reminded of the classic Super Chicken line - you knew the job was dangerous when you took it. ;-) It wasn't a pretty Mapes gig, that's for sure, with Lord Baron Von Ding Dong pretty much giving up on playing bass mid set, but luckily Haywood J. Blowme started playing bass instead of guitar, and with the help of Joe from Spotted Dick on second guitar, the band careened, caterwauled, and then crash and burned to the end of their set and left the stage of the Dive a stinky, greasy, flour and sugar coated mess. It was funny. Sherf Turlett was constantly complaining that he wasn't drunk enough to be playing, and Captain Whiskey was sporting a shiner after the gig from someone hitting him in the eye with a flung banana while he was playing drums, but other than that, I think it was a fun time, right? Right? hahahaha As usual, the Mapes pretty much played every song that they knew, but I don't think they played any of their songs correctly, or even to completion for some of them, but still, it wasn't the worst Mapes gig I've ever seen, but it certainly wasn't the best either. Fun night.

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Everything's updated. Mercy Music is playing tonight @ the Bunkhouse with Single Mothers. Unfair Fight is playing with Norma Jean tomorrow night @ Triple B's. To see what else is happening this week, check out the Gig Calendar page by clicking here. Lots of things happening this weekend. Carlos from S.F.T. has the best Mohawk in Las Vegas. Just saying... ;-)