She was one of the people I told you about a few weeks back. She would read my website and ask me on AIM if all the words I wrote were true, and she would laugh at the Pictures I took and just generally enjoy whatever I posted up. She was a beautiful rose that bloomed in the desert and I loved her. Always one of my favorite cousins and such a joy to be around. She always spoke of leaving the Rez, envious of life in the big city, and with all the recent misfortune our family had been going through lately, it was nice to talk to her face to face, to give her a big hug and to tell her that I loved her, and to just catch up on what was happening in our busy lives. She had just turned 18, had some new boyfriend, had just joined the Navy, had just started receiving her quarterly checks, had just bought a crazy ass $50,000 truck that she showed off to me proudly, and was just about to move into my Grandmother's beautiful cottage house. We made plans for her to come out to Las Vegas once she got settled, where I promised her a good time and many excellent adventures. She had her whole fucking future right in front of her, and now she's gone. If you don't think that this weighs heavy on my head then you are mistaken. I can't cry anymore. I have no grief left. There's no reason why she had to leave, and I curse the God she believed in for taking her. I'm fighting the urge to put a gun in my mouth and end it all but you know what? I'm not going to. She wouldn't of wanted me to think like that. When she was in a bad place after her brother died (also at the age of 18) I talked her off the ledge, and she thanked me over and over again for showing her that there was more to Life than Death, more to Life than just the Rez, and more to Life than just Drama and bullshit, which we were both sick of, and I can't type anymore because I can't see the words through the tears. I love you Jessica and I wish we could have just one more day...
Enaam. Puuch hemuu 'enyaam nyaapum 'enyaach tuuhwim maa. Kepshuw Jessica Maayehaa. Mat kepshuw paawan kumlay.
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