Christian Death - The Edward Colver Edition

Written by Karl Bakla.

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Now this record is a classic example of why I don't give a fuck about Record Store Day! What we have here is basically the free 7" they gave away with the 2011 repressing of Only Theatre Of Pain (which was reviewed right here on this website), but revamped with white vinyl, a handful of Edward Colver photographs, & a hefty $13 price tag. I'd highly suggest for 50 cents more (on Interpunk) ordering the vinyl version of Only Theatre Of Pain & rocking out to such Death Rock classics as Spiritual Camp & Romeo's Distress instead.

When I was in the Dominican Republic I read about this record & was excited to check it out. Based on the glowing review, I thought this was going to have a nice booklet with photos and assorted writings, along with two mediocre songs I have already heard, so I ran down to my nearest "record store", which was located in the shitty hotel I was staying at. The music store had no Dominican Rock 'N Roll, no Dominican Punk (La Armada) & nothing that seemed interesting Dominican music wise, just a metric shit ton of Reggaeton bootlegs, & a bunch of Reggae bootlegs that sounded more like shitty electronic music! In the music store some creep named Musee tried to give Bethany a pinch & a squeeze, but all was forgiven when he offered me a shot of Mama Juana, he informed me that a drink of it would make it so that no woman or man would walk straight after coming in contact with my penis. Whatever, the Dominican Republic sucked… I returned with cholera & no Christian Death record. No shit, I got cholera! Squirting rice water sure does suck & it means I consumed someone's doo doo.

I eventually stumbled across the Christian Death record at the E. Charleston Record City, & before I even listened to it I knew this was just another overpriced Record Store Day piece of shit. The person's review that I read was a lie! A lot of "Punks" don't have the ability to be critical, when faced with the loss of promotional material. "Punks" will sell out the readers of their shitty websites, because John Waters forbid, you hurt some record label's feelings. Offending a record label would result in a lack of email links to digital versions of mediocre releases. While we are on the subject of not offending, don't ever be critical of a band or venue either, because you might have to pay to see some third rate reunion gig. I am not advocating talking shit for the sake of talking shit! I'm just saying, your praise doesn't amount to shit & reeks of insincerity if you are afraid to call "BULLSHIT!" on bullshit! Maybe it is just me, but a review should help guide your fellow music fanatic, not protect the feelings of some asshole.

I am sure if you are some Goth who religiously collects Christian Death records, then this repackaged version of Cavity – First Communion & The Lord's Prayer is worth picking up, but if you are some young Punker I'd suggest saving up your lunch money and buying the first LP or better yet buying Rikk Agnew’s LP All By Myself!

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Available for purchase at these wonderful places called 'Record Stores', places with names like Zia Records, or Record City, and also available to order online from the wonderful people @ Frontier Records, which you can go to by clicking here.