Forever Young - Madness

Photo by Jesse Nabers June 28, 2009

     I'm nervous, like really nervous. Nervous and scared. I was never scared of anything before, but then I lost my leg and now I'm scared of everything - of falling down and hurting myself, of looking stupid while walking around, of fucking up my leg while playing drums, or even of dying old and alone, all new fears to me, all fears that are now a part of my daily life. Whatever. Tonight I put all that bullshit aside to pay tribute and honor to my brother, my bandmate, a man that I'm proud to say meant the world to me, because without him telling me that we were gonna get to the finish line, without Tyson's constant reassurances that everything was gonna be ok, that I was gonna walk again, play drums again, and that things were gonna work out for the better, I wouldn't even be alive, much less able to play 2 sets at his memorial gig tonight. It was all because of him. Everything good with me was because of him. Everything. Every morning when this monster straps things on and screws things together in order to face the day and put forth the fallacy of being normal and not handicapped, I'm reminded of Tyson and just how lucky I was to spend the time with him that I did. Thousands if not millions of memories, stories, and shared moments. Amazing. Truly an Honor. I didn't have to play the gig tonight but I wanted to play this gig tonight, if you can tell the difference. There was no way I was gonna miss out on playing this thing. No fucking way.

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     So yeah, then there's this gig I've been talking about. The personal drama, the bad luck involved, the bad breaks with the planning, the lazy, pettiness of some band members playing and not playing the gig, I mean, fuck, it's enough to make you pull your hair out and scream in frustration!! God bless Janoff for putting up with it all and putting things together and making it all work out in the long run. It's been nothing short of a miracle. At first I wanted nothing to do with the gig, not ready to think about playing drums again, much less without Tyson, who always asked me to play drums in all his various projects, which is funny, because when I auditioned for the Vegascendents, like, about 15 years ago, he didn't like me or my drumming! The bastard! 😆 Jeremy convinced him to give me another chance, and the rest, as they say, is history. So here I go. Again. For Tyson. It was always for Tyson. Every project he could think of doing, he'd include me as the drummer. Aluminum Falcon. Minor Threat cover band. Beastie Boys tribute band. His Protocol Zero solo project, which started out as some Beardcore project but evolved into a really tight, cohesive musical force to be dealt with. Believe me. I have the recordings to prove it. 😎 All these things that Tyson wanted me to be a part of, I never got the chance to tell him 'thanks' for including me in all that, those creative, fun times and amazing memories of the places we went, songs we created together, and the millions of laughs and smiles we shared and indulgd in, both on stage and off. Yeah, I never gotta chance to thank him for all that, for everything really, but I will when I see him again... 

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